A Gift From God

Like a lot of parents who have a child with a disability, I belong to a support group. In this group, we all have a child with the same disability. Like a lot of parents who have a child with a disability, I belong to a support group. In this group, all the parents have a child with the same disability. Sometimes the support group touches on this subject of how the parents can accept this situation they find themselves in. Members often remind everyone that the reason we have our child is because it is a gift from God. Yes, this child is in our lives because God knew unequivocally, we were the only one capable of handling this child’s life. This belief starts as only an affirmation but it does move most of us forward.
I think it takes us through the first stages of our realization of the work we have cut out for us. It heads us in the direction of the first stage of our recovery from this disability: acceptance.But is this enough? I don't think so. There are millions of little steps involved. I firmly believe that if we smack ourselves down on the sidewalk and feel overwhelmed at the task before us it means we gave up.Is this disability, as a parent, genetically or biologically inherited. Of course not but it IS spiritually inherited if we believe that God chose US to raise this child. I believe God knew we could overcome our own disability.
What made me reach the second step? It was a sharp reality check. Someone once asked me how I had managed, all these years, to raise my child and take care of the rest of my family. My eyes widened and I was startled by the question. It had never occured to me to think of this task in that way.All I could say was, my child, was my child. He had always been this way. It was not like all of a sudden we had a maze of things to learn and do to meet my child’s needs.My child has never known any difference and neither has anyone in our family. With each step of the journey, if a new road block was encountered, it was either attacked and resolved or gently nudged into alignment of what we thought would work. So what became a reality to me was this: this wasn't some new, over-the-top, insurmountable problem every day of my life. The reality was we took each day in our stride. If something needs to be adjusted we did it. If steps needed to be taken they were taken. If I needed to advocate for my child to another group, organization or agency, it was done. Simple as that.
It wasn't always that easy but God didn't drop a HUGE problem in my lap all at once. God eased me into the job gently. I just never asked what the job description was.

Confessions of a "Handicapped" Parent

It came to me in a flash! I was trying to think of a name for this blog. I wanted it to be for parents of disabled children and I wanted it to be short. If I just said "handicapped parents", then someone might think it was for a parent with a disability.
Then it dawned on me... okay it hit me like a hammer. This blog was never about my own child, who is disabled. This blog and story has always been about me. It was ME who was truly disabled and my stories are a journey of how I learned to cope with, deal with, grow and cure myself of this disability.
Children who are developmentally or physically disabled instinctivley and inherently KNOW what they are capable of. It us, the parents, not our children who have the disability.
As parents, we have been bombarded all our life about what a parent is and should be. There is the media, our parents and mentors and role models all throwing images and ideas on how to parent but NO ONE ever tells you how to be a parent to a child with a disability.
When our child is born we too are born. We are born blind to what we can do, say or be. We are blind to what our child is capable of.
We are deaf to our own inspiration and we are emotionally crippled by our constant questioning of: why me?
We are also born again mute. We speak about what we need and what our child needs and often the people and organizations around us cannot hear us.
We are paralyzed with anger and resentment because no one understands what it is like and we often become exhausted trying to make a case to people who can help us.
This this blog is not about your child or mine. There are millions of disabilities and diagnostic categories our children will fit into. But there is only one place for a parent who's child is born with or a child who develops a medical issue. This blog is for you.
This blog is all about offering a course of action, through sharing about the journey to recover from my "birth" as disabled parent to an adapted parent.